empty beds.....

This morning as I am drinking my coffee and doing my bible time I started thinking more and more about what our house will look like in 2 months... I do know that beyond a shadow of a doubt God does!
This is my brain.. I know after seeing all the questions you may say ... OH MY!!! that is enough thinking for one day  :)

What will an empty bed mean?
What will be in that bed in 6 months?
What "nameless" child will snuggle in those covers?
Will J (baby) have a partner to sleep with in her room?
Will J (big) have a slumber party for a few months with someone?
Will we have J and J much longer after Jan 6?
Will L and C love their beds like they do here?
Will they feel safe?
Will they have enough covers?
oh my and the list goes on... ... I have thought about empty beds so much lately! You see they have been occupied for 6 and 8 months... we have seen kiddos grow, cry, snuggle, and love their beds!!!

I think about our own kiddos and how much they LOVE their beds and they know that they can stay in those beds ... security, love, covers, and sometimes even doodle  snuggling to them!,... but that is not true of some foster kiddos.. they long to have a forever bed... they long to have a secure place to lay their head each night.. that is what makes me sad for these kiddos... they can never find rest BUT I do know that when they were here they could lay their head at night and know that it would be there for the next time!!!
I pray that each one of these girls finds their rest in God alone.. He is our comfort, security, love, Father and most of all that they know He loves them something BIG!!!
so as I think about the beds... empty... I will remember myself that God has much bigger plans and has more kiddos in line for the empty beds!
 

Happenings from yesterday....

Could you EVEN imagine... being a Judge??? oh.my. it would seriously be awful job!!!! I can't imagine what he must think EVERY single day hearing all the stuff we heard yesterday.. you see.. we had court AGAIN .. its hard! like REALLY hard... kids on the line. hearts on the line. families broken. pain involved. I do not like it Sam I am.. we heard it all from a opossum in a bed, nits and lice in hair, positive drug screens that morning, horrible car accidents, mom on the run, 18 wheeling homeschooling mom, a bailiff *maybe* having to take one down, and the list goes on..... its heavy, like REALLY heavy.. I would be so burdened EVERY night.. But thankfully he has to uphold the laws.. see he does not make the laws he just follows them.. I liked him a lot.. he had mercy but yet was stern with these parents... I know what he would have done personally.. but he must uphold laws. I am thankful we get 2 more months with J and J.. they bring so much fun to our family.. this month we will say goodbye to L and C but I know God has this situation and all things under control! and for that I am at peace and thankful! 

Job 1:21 always comes to mind when I think of my heart hurting about the days to come... 
He said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD."

Alone time, God, and Hugs....

Last night I was able to go to the grocery story... wait... listen.... BY MYSELF!!!! ahhhhh its the little things in life that make me giddy!!!!.. As I slowly strolled down aisles I would run into people I knew... and guess what ... I could actually carry on a conversation with them. I could listen to what was going on in their lives just by what they were saying and then I could finish some of the stuff because of facebook.. I was so thankful for facebook last night because I actually knew so much of what was going on in their life to be able to let them know how good it was to see what God was doing.. As I talked to each one of them God took me back to a place of how we met, what impact they had made in my own life, and those sweet hugs.. you know us lawrences are huggers :)  I checked out in Jon's checkout line (if you do not get to know your checkout person you are missing out.. I have shared with him several times about the Lord.. He is young and I am planting seeds each visit... 
As I was loading my groceries on a beautiful night I must add.. I was grateful to see each one of these sweet ladies... I was full as God had put each one of these ladies in my path last night and a memory in my heart forever.

transitioning

Change... its hard... I personally DO NOT like change, it messes with my brain, body, and deep... it causes you to realize yet AGAIN that you are NOT in control. you are reminded that life can change at any moment and you can do NOTHING about it.. that is where we are folks, change or for a more proper term transitioning (the webster defination is undergo or cause to undergo a process or period of transition) processes seem to take so long, it almost seems daunting .... I DON'T like it... my rebellious side says STOP.. do not pass go......
L and C are in the transitioning process for 7 weeks... I think personally it is not good for sweet L... C has no idea but L I think she is grasping and it hurts sooooo deep!.. I think she is hurting but being so young she can't tell you ... it is pitiful to see and experience BUT ad mist ALL this we can trust Jesus.. she can trust Jesus, He is unchanging!  He understands all our hurts and sorrow and He is praying on our behalf to the Father as are we.. As a momma I wanna take the pain away and ask God  "why?" But I know that in Romans 8:28 it says And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. He has a purpose in all things and I trust! I trust that He knows best.. we rejoice we had months to pour in to them, teach her soooo many things, love, let her experience lots of things, know about Jesus.

When the Judge rules.......

quiet, sad, shocked, disappointed, mad, and other mix of emotions has been where my heart has been for the last 2 days... we had court... with L and C... to just say it ... is they are going home :(  
so many things I want to type on this blog but for protection of the department .
 I will not put in their personal opinion... 
heart being ripped out, knife in the heart, nausea.... just some terms to describe my last 2 days.. I grieve.. I am sad.. is it OK to have emotion?? YES!! I wanna ball up in the fetal position and cry like a baby or hit my fist on the ground and ask why?  BUT,  God you have helped us mold, shape, love, hug, kiss, rear, and fall head over heals for these girls... we love them like our own.. I hurt.. I will mourn the loss of these precious girls.. I pray for their protection, ears and eyes.. I cling to Christ! he is my HOPE... I thank you Lord for allowing us to have this time with them.. 

I love you L and C.. and remember our song we sing EVERY MORNING!!!
 Jesus you are wonderful, Jesus you are wonderful, 
I will count my blessings everyday,  Jesus your wonderful to ME!!!

my dear Alexis...

Alexis... 

You are one precious girl! I love you with every inch of me! do you make wrong choices at times?? yes! are we all perfect? no.. I am reminded of the bracelet that Ms Michele gave you that said "grace".. yes.. you and us all need to be reminded of the grace that only God can give. Your tall stature,  long and lanky.. lightening speed and a determination to exceed any goal given to you! your light shines.. the soccer field you struggle to be aggressive because that is just not who you are.. mild mannered and oh so patient! if you can have 7 younger siblings and still have the smile and hug they need. you will be a WONDERFUL mom one day! there will be a lucky young man to have you by his side! You are not the normal "teen" yet that includes makeup or fashion (matter of fact you hate shopping right now) your hair you love to wear in a pony tail (well, you are at soccer 3 days a week).. I learn so much from you! you push me to be a better mom and I am forever grateful to call you daughter... remember that God formed you and he is molding you into His image every day! love you sweet girl!

Love,
Momma

Falling at the feet of Jesus

I just put a DVD in for the "little girls" about Jesus.. As I was pressing play I thought of where God has us right now... He has us falling at the feet of Jesus.. you see we should be falling at the feet of Jesus ALL the time and some days my head spins and I lay my head down and say .. did I miss Him today?? I do remember that God gently leads those with young and I fall on that scripture often.. I have 5 kiddos 4 and under... days seem crazy at times BUT for the most part our schedule helps with chaos... I was running last night and was talking to my running partner and I remember saying " I know this is the best home for these girls!"

As we approach October 7th which is our court date.. I have no control, I have no say, I have nothing but falling at the feet of Jesus.. My mind races with all the testimony, the progress of this mom, the possibilities of them going home, how to prepare our hearts if it is reunification, thinking of the tears that will flow if it was "T", and the list goes on!!!  But as this day approaches I know God you are sovereign, perfect, and all knowing! you know the puzzle I just see piece by piece... I trust, I trust YOU know best! I will fall at your sons feet and worship! I love you!