my mind went there!!!! ugh!!!

The most common words I hear when I say that we are foster parents is..

 "I could never do that because I could never give them back, I get too attached" and Yes that is a very true statement for everyone including me! we do get attached!!!

I think of the 9 children that have been in and out of our home and each one leaves a mark..

a mark of deep sadness of their situations,
a deep wound of something they did to our own children,
a deep hurt because they did not ask to be born in these situations...

Yesterday I let my mind go there..... maybe TMI but Lane had to go to the bathroom during the service yesterday and I went with her... I decided that I would go while I was in there too and it happened... I was sitting on the toilet and BAM... it hit like a ton of bricks... like when you almost cant breathe... saddened about the day these girls may leave! you see I want to publicly tell the details of their situation but, for their privacy I wont BUT the heartbreak is too much to bear! I allowed my mind to go their for a second...

THEN.......

 .....peace..... peace in the Sovereignty of God! you see, He is in control... I am not!
.....peace.....peace that He knows what is best for the girls
.....peace.....peace that God will use these girls to bring Himself glory
.....peace.....peace that no matter what He has my good in mind

So when I was washing my hands I was thanking Him for His unwavering goodness that we have the PRIVILEGE to have these girls in our home for as long as he allows and we will take each moment and bring Him all the glory!

so this is why we do it..... God has a plan and I don't want to look at my own inward hurts because in the end.... we will not wait on the sidelines wondering if we will get hurt .... we serve and bring Him glory and my friends HE IS WORTH IT!!!!

Nesting... Anticipating....

I remember the days well when I was pregnant.. yep, 4 times, I remember getting to the last weeks and doing crazy things.. painting, cleaning like a fool, and fantasizing about what the next Lawrence would look like... Nesting... anticipating..... excited....

well... no. I .am.not.pregnant. BUT my heart is nesting.

We are in "in between" foster kiddos...
Having within 2 weeks 5 of them in and out of your home all 2 and under my heart is ready...

Caleb's heart is ready, you see, he pretty much was mad, upset, scared, and rebelling against foster children... He saw how our first set of boys hurt others, very loud, disrespectful, and etc.... He was done... BUT oh, how the Lord can change a heart!!!! and He did!

God used 5 precious faces to give Caleb the "eyes of Jesus" again... The 5 kiddos loved him, clung to him (one had an 11 year old brother, whom she missed) and it was beautiful to see God transform Caleb's heart right in front of me!!!

 He is ready... we are ready.... But God we will wait... until your timing!

Baby Lane is EIGHT????

I remember it like it was yesterday all our friends called Lane "baby Lane" she was ohhhhhh soooooo cute with curly brown hair, big lips (people pay alot of money for some like these) and CUTE clothes that were soooo girlie!!! .... I love these days of thinking she is "the baby" BUT God quickly shows us how quick they grow up and become young ladies... I DO NOT like my kiddos growing up ... BUT HEY... It is gonna happen... I will embrace each age that comes! ... This sweet girl loves to have fun, giggle, play soccer, burp (yes, I said burp) loves to pick up animals off the side of the road, pester her sister, wrestle with her brother, and give me lots of cuddles!!! I am pushed to my limit everyday with her... she has lots of drive and I am praying God will use that in a BIG way as she grows up!!! I am thankful to call her daughter!! I LOVE her free spirit... she has always had it and always will!!! here is eight Lane!!! you are growing and I love you!!!