It came and went.............

December 19 came and left.. we "thought" the girls (j and J) would be departing our home on that , what I considered, dreadful day... I rejoiced (just being honest) when I heard the news that they would not be leaving that day!... I am becoming more and more convinced that this system that the children are in is not about the kiddos and more about the parents.. don't get me wrong I know these parents need to be restored, taught , and walked hand in hand to remember or be taught how to be a parent.. BUT my heart just gets soooo sad hearing all the children that go home to parents who STILL have addictions, major obstacles, and LOTS of learning... it hurts deep...

As we were on our Christmas trip I was reminded that this may be J and J's  final vacation.. they are 15 months and 2.. that makes me sad... that makes me hurt for them.. not "just" because they won't have another vacation BUT that this might be the only time they get out of the city in which they were born... their lives might only be a few miles long.. a few miles wide.... not that we take these extravagant vacations ... BUT we are together as a family!.. they may not have a "family" again.. I can say that if they become believers that they will have a forever family.. adopted as daughters of the king, heirs, and sisters in Christ. so as the days grow closer and closer to the court date I will let these girls know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have a family here EVEN if for a season then pray that God will move on their hearts and they will be beautifully saved!!!

confession! I LOVE Coffee!

This comes as a big shock to everyone BUT I LOVE Coffee!!.. I mean seriously I love COFFEE.. my friend Tanya really knows the love I have for it as she has a love for it too.. we plus Angela H figure out how to get coffee to China because we are so , shall I say addicted to it?? you see they don't have coffee shops or for that matter coffee.. they have tea and it is just.not.the.same!!! we packed our bags and made sure we had the Keurig and LOTS of coffee... and while we were there the keurig decided to blow up... so the campers in Angela H and I did stove top coffee.. and ahhhh.. we had coffee for 10 days and it was YUM!!!

Every morning I have my cup.. well 2, or 3 cups of coffee .. this is my time where I sip on coffee and drink from Gods word.. I love the quiet (i mean who would not when you have 6.7,8 kiddos) .. this gets me ready to tackle the demands of the day.. homeschooling, Dr appts, church, house cleaning, cooking, emotional and physical needs, etc... I need both... Jesus and His living word.... and coffee.. I am so thankful for the person who found the bean and decided to roast it and add water... mmmmmmm... anyone know who that was.. anyway??

today is the day.. I admit I have an addiction... and that is COFFEE!!! I mean I really do love it.. oh and when my hands are warmed by my mug.. oh I love that too... anyone else addicted?? maybe we should have coffee together :)

Will it get easier??

oh, man.. I am wondering if it will get easier... we got the phone call today that December 19 *MIGHT* be the day the other girls leave... Will it get easier? Will they be OK? Will they remember anything about our family? these are just some of the questions that go through this mind of mine! oh, by the way..  this journey is hard.. my heart hurts for those broken children, broken families... I know it is for a season BUT my heart wants them to stay!!! I am struggling.. struggling because I know more about the system than I want to.
BUT Again.. I trust! I trust God knows what is best, He is in control, and I put my all in Him! I know He is writing my story and our families story and these foster babies story!.. How could His story be wrong? Its not! He is in ultimate control of all things .. 
Romans 8:28-29 
²⁸ And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ²⁹ For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren.

It is oh so hard to hold and then let go....