It came and went.............

December 19 came and left.. we "thought" the girls (j and J) would be departing our home on that , what I considered, dreadful day... I rejoiced (just being honest) when I heard the news that they would not be leaving that day!... I am becoming more and more convinced that this system that the children are in is not about the kiddos and more about the parents.. don't get me wrong I know these parents need to be restored, taught , and walked hand in hand to remember or be taught how to be a parent.. BUT my heart just gets soooo sad hearing all the children that go home to parents who STILL have addictions, major obstacles, and LOTS of learning... it hurts deep...

As we were on our Christmas trip I was reminded that this may be J and J's  final vacation.. they are 15 months and 2.. that makes me sad... that makes me hurt for them.. not "just" because they won't have another vacation BUT that this might be the only time they get out of the city in which they were born... their lives might only be a few miles long.. a few miles wide.... not that we take these extravagant vacations ... BUT we are together as a family!.. they may not have a "family" again.. I can say that if they become believers that they will have a forever family.. adopted as daughters of the king, heirs, and sisters in Christ. so as the days grow closer and closer to the court date I will let these girls know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have a family here EVEN if for a season then pray that God will move on their hearts and they will be beautifully saved!!!

confession! I LOVE Coffee!

This comes as a big shock to everyone BUT I LOVE Coffee!!.. I mean seriously I love COFFEE.. my friend Tanya really knows the love I have for it as she has a love for it too.. we plus Angela H figure out how to get coffee to China because we are so , shall I say addicted to it?? you see they don't have coffee shops or for that matter coffee.. they have tea and it is just.not.the.same!!! we packed our bags and made sure we had the Keurig and LOTS of coffee... and while we were there the keurig decided to blow up... so the campers in Angela H and I did stove top coffee.. and ahhhh.. we had coffee for 10 days and it was YUM!!!

Every morning I have my cup.. well 2, or 3 cups of coffee .. this is my time where I sip on coffee and drink from Gods word.. I love the quiet (i mean who would not when you have 6.7,8 kiddos) .. this gets me ready to tackle the demands of the day.. homeschooling, Dr appts, church, house cleaning, cooking, emotional and physical needs, etc... I need both... Jesus and His living word.... and coffee.. I am so thankful for the person who found the bean and decided to roast it and add water... mmmmmmm... anyone know who that was.. anyway??

today is the day.. I admit I have an addiction... and that is COFFEE!!! I mean I really do love it.. oh and when my hands are warmed by my mug.. oh I love that too... anyone else addicted?? maybe we should have coffee together :)

Will it get easier??

oh, man.. I am wondering if it will get easier... we got the phone call today that December 19 *MIGHT* be the day the other girls leave... Will it get easier? Will they be OK? Will they remember anything about our family? these are just some of the questions that go through this mind of mine! oh, by the way..  this journey is hard.. my heart hurts for those broken children, broken families... I know it is for a season BUT my heart wants them to stay!!! I am struggling.. struggling because I know more about the system than I want to.
BUT Again.. I trust! I trust God knows what is best, He is in control, and I put my all in Him! I know He is writing my story and our families story and these foster babies story!.. How could His story be wrong? Its not! He is in ultimate control of all things .. 
Romans 8:28-29 
²⁸ And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ²⁹ For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren.

It is oh so hard to hold and then let go.... 

empty beds.....

This morning as I am drinking my coffee and doing my bible time I started thinking more and more about what our house will look like in 2 months... I do know that beyond a shadow of a doubt God does!
This is my brain.. I know after seeing all the questions you may say ... OH MY!!! that is enough thinking for one day  :)

What will an empty bed mean?
What will be in that bed in 6 months?
What "nameless" child will snuggle in those covers?
Will J (baby) have a partner to sleep with in her room?
Will J (big) have a slumber party for a few months with someone?
Will we have J and J much longer after Jan 6?
Will L and C love their beds like they do here?
Will they feel safe?
Will they have enough covers?
oh my and the list goes on... ... I have thought about empty beds so much lately! You see they have been occupied for 6 and 8 months... we have seen kiddos grow, cry, snuggle, and love their beds!!!

I think about our own kiddos and how much they LOVE their beds and they know that they can stay in those beds ... security, love, covers, and sometimes even doodle  snuggling to them!,... but that is not true of some foster kiddos.. they long to have a forever bed... they long to have a secure place to lay their head each night.. that is what makes me sad for these kiddos... they can never find rest BUT I do know that when they were here they could lay their head at night and know that it would be there for the next time!!!
I pray that each one of these girls finds their rest in God alone.. He is our comfort, security, love, Father and most of all that they know He loves them something BIG!!!
so as I think about the beds... empty... I will remember myself that God has much bigger plans and has more kiddos in line for the empty beds!
 

Happenings from yesterday....

Could you EVEN imagine... being a Judge??? oh.my. it would seriously be awful job!!!! I can't imagine what he must think EVERY single day hearing all the stuff we heard yesterday.. you see.. we had court AGAIN .. its hard! like REALLY hard... kids on the line. hearts on the line. families broken. pain involved. I do not like it Sam I am.. we heard it all from a opossum in a bed, nits and lice in hair, positive drug screens that morning, horrible car accidents, mom on the run, 18 wheeling homeschooling mom, a bailiff *maybe* having to take one down, and the list goes on..... its heavy, like REALLY heavy.. I would be so burdened EVERY night.. But thankfully he has to uphold the laws.. see he does not make the laws he just follows them.. I liked him a lot.. he had mercy but yet was stern with these parents... I know what he would have done personally.. but he must uphold laws. I am thankful we get 2 more months with J and J.. they bring so much fun to our family.. this month we will say goodbye to L and C but I know God has this situation and all things under control! and for that I am at peace and thankful! 

Job 1:21 always comes to mind when I think of my heart hurting about the days to come... 
He said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD."

Alone time, God, and Hugs....

Last night I was able to go to the grocery story... wait... listen.... BY MYSELF!!!! ahhhhh its the little things in life that make me giddy!!!!.. As I slowly strolled down aisles I would run into people I knew... and guess what ... I could actually carry on a conversation with them. I could listen to what was going on in their lives just by what they were saying and then I could finish some of the stuff because of facebook.. I was so thankful for facebook last night because I actually knew so much of what was going on in their life to be able to let them know how good it was to see what God was doing.. As I talked to each one of them God took me back to a place of how we met, what impact they had made in my own life, and those sweet hugs.. you know us lawrences are huggers :)  I checked out in Jon's checkout line (if you do not get to know your checkout person you are missing out.. I have shared with him several times about the Lord.. He is young and I am planting seeds each visit... 
As I was loading my groceries on a beautiful night I must add.. I was grateful to see each one of these sweet ladies... I was full as God had put each one of these ladies in my path last night and a memory in my heart forever.

transitioning

Change... its hard... I personally DO NOT like change, it messes with my brain, body, and deep... it causes you to realize yet AGAIN that you are NOT in control. you are reminded that life can change at any moment and you can do NOTHING about it.. that is where we are folks, change or for a more proper term transitioning (the webster defination is undergo or cause to undergo a process or period of transition) processes seem to take so long, it almost seems daunting .... I DON'T like it... my rebellious side says STOP.. do not pass go......
L and C are in the transitioning process for 7 weeks... I think personally it is not good for sweet L... C has no idea but L I think she is grasping and it hurts sooooo deep!.. I think she is hurting but being so young she can't tell you ... it is pitiful to see and experience BUT ad mist ALL this we can trust Jesus.. she can trust Jesus, He is unchanging!  He understands all our hurts and sorrow and He is praying on our behalf to the Father as are we.. As a momma I wanna take the pain away and ask God  "why?" But I know that in Romans 8:28 it says And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. He has a purpose in all things and I trust! I trust that He knows best.. we rejoice we had months to pour in to them, teach her soooo many things, love, let her experience lots of things, know about Jesus.