Number 2 has turned 10.... He is a JOY!

Caleb... He has had a lot of blogs lately BUT this one is the best! He is 10, well on May 7th he was 10!!!  I just love this boy! he is my gentle spirit (well, here lately with his allergies, he has been a little snippy), he is caring, and he LOVES his momma! He wanted to stay at home while the girls went to Granny and Grandpas, I WILL NOT COMPLAIN!... I LOVE that the kiddos don't get tired of me (well, maybe they do but they have never lead on)

While the girls were gone we had "boy" time... really I did nothing... they kept themselves occupied and I was able to get some things done... we sent Andrew to school everyday and Caleb and I hung out... making this penguin game, eating popsicles at Hill Street Market, and playing outside with the Frisbee (how may times can we go without dropping it, I think it was 14)... we had a blast and it made his birthday week FUN!!!! on Tuesday his actual birthday Joel came over ALL DAY!!! Caleb and him had a blast!!! I really only saw them, of course, when they were hungry! not surprised at all! later in the afternoon we packed up and headed to Bear Paw (army surplus store) and the boys bought paracord to start a "business"... we were thankful that Joel could spend the day with us!..  all in all we had a GREAT day! so thankful I can be Caleb's mommy!

He has been preparing my heart for years!

whoa!    what.a.week.....

God has been doing so much in my heart and I REALLY am thankful... but many times when he speaks I REALLY get scared, fearful, and joyful all at the same time... you see my story starts MANY years ago.. I was raised everyone being so close (literally with in 3 miles) and Dad , Sharyn, and Kat (within 7 miles) I grew up with my cousins and they were like sisters... we did fight, spend the nights, and had LOTS of fun... I grew up with one of them graduating at the same time as me... we were a close knit family... so growing up I NEVER thought I would leave Lawrenceville (the town I grew up in) .. I was FOR SURE that Doug and I would stay there with momma and we would be close in proximity to each other... well God had other plans, we got married, moved to an apartment in Lawrenceville BUT when Alexis was 3 months old we found a house in Griffin... we fell in love, well I really liked the bright colors of the trees in the driveway, so we bought... we lived there for 4 years and realized that with Doug's job and me raising kiddos we could not run a farm!... so we sold... so we moved about 10 miles and bought our current home.... but looking back I see God has been preparing my heart... for change, for action, and for peoples eternal lives! Doug has been going on mission trips for 4 years and I have held down the fort (that's my job, right??) I have LOVED hearing how God worked in those trips, I have listened to women talk of the brokenness when they went on their trips, I LOVE hearing stories! I was telling someone not too long ago, I have NEVER stepped foot in another country BUT I am burdened for them, whether it be spiritual darkness or basic needs such as food.. I am burdened... I always thought I am to be a prayer warrior (which I am called to do that too) but for me to go?? NO?? I mean I have 4 kiddos... WHY would I think it is OK to leave them... BUT this God we serve... He says go.... does that mean I love my children less?? NO... Does that mean that I must lean on the Lord even more?? YES!!!... I am so thankful that God has shown me that HE IS WORTH IT! I am excited to announce that I will be packing up on July 11-21 and heading to East Asia to assist our own missionaries from our community in VBS and teaching English to the ladies using the gospel! I am at peace because he gave me peace.... this song came on in the car while Caleb and I were picking up Andrew and I was reminded of he is I AM!...

MERCY ME - you are I am!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JI4CPfuLW0

quiet time

My quiet time with God has to be in the morning...

our days seem so loud and busy that if I don't wake well

 before the kiddos there is no "quiet time" till they are tucked nice in their beds at night!..

 

I need this, I need time to just

 

"be still"

"be in His presence"

"be in His word".... 

 

 knowing deep down he is the one who

 

sustains my day

sustains my energy

 sustains my life..... 

 

Even when I sometimes feel far from Him, I know He is there, He is faithful, He is near!

 

So today I began my day with quiet...

Update on Caleb and Faithfulness of God!

oh. my. word..... 2 weeks ago was the most taxing time in my life that I can remember!.. as most know Caleb has been suffering since September!.. I have worried (know that is a sin, repented!!!!) it is just NOT normal for a 9 year old kid to not be able to run, jump, play, skip without having terrible pains... we had done close to $7000 dollars of blood work with NOTHING... other than Lyme's disease..............   sooooooooo we tried Gluten free, well it worked but still at times he would suffer... I would blame myself when he would start hurting.. like maybe I had got a little lax with food... BUT still something was still not right.. God just kept impressing on me that it was more!

Tuesday of last week I was a whist end, I was done, I had thrown my hands up!  Caleb had been suffering for a week and a half, I mean terribly! he was having a hard time walking with his hip and was just miserable!  to be honest I was REALLY concerned, confused and determined to find out what was ailing my son!.. poor Angela H. she sent me a text to see how Caleb was and I immediately called her back and started sobbing!.. she has NEVER seen or heard me like this!.. thankfully she was full of grace and love!.. then I talked to Ms. Judi and we PRAYED hard for Caleb, and she reminded me of the Saliva test lady.. (my neighbor Darlene) to be honest it was expensive, so I called Doug and I said as I was balling my eyes out.. "honey I need $125.00!!!" of course he hates to see me upset! He said do it! what did we have to lose?? 

Darlene gave me all the tools to do the test and I dropped all the stuff in her mailbox the next morning and with in 2 hours she called me with the results.. remember we had had blood work, prick test and MULPITLE doctors visits since Caleb was a newborn till last Wednesday, with no answers!..

The results were that Caleb was intolerant, sensitive, or allergic to
Corn, Yeast, Gluten, Pork, Shellfish, All Dairy(including goat)

Yes, this is hard BUT we have been on a lean meat, fruit and veggie diet since last Wednesday and I am HAPPY to report that he is doing well! no ailments and he is doing things that all children can do!

I have had many tell me that they are so thankful for me continuing to search for answers for Caleb, I am thankful that God continued to reveal to me that we had something deeper!...

Even in the midst of dark times for Caleb I know God is was faithful, He cares, and He is Good!

so many questions........BUT who am I to question!

So many questions have gone through this brain.. that is my personality anyway... questions??? I once was told that to some people they could think you could have ulterior motives.. thanks Mr. Keith!!! well not the case!      

I love asking questions because....
it helps me know others
helps me be a better listener
helps me to keep the focus off me
and it helps me love more...


I have questioned MANY things in my life! this week has had me ask many questions about fostering...

Are we ready?? I mean were we REALLY ready when we brought Alexis home for the first time...

Can I love more?? I mean yes... I already love FOUR kiddos so much...

Can we afford another mouth to feed?? I mean the Lord has provided each meal in abundance....

Do we have enough room?? I mean our home study lady looked at what I thought was a playroom and she saw it as a nursery.....

Are the kiddos ready to share me more?? I mean they have been bugging me EVERYDAY wanting to know when we are getting a child!!!

so as I have pondered these questions and more I realize........... who am I to question God?... He is my Lord in whom I trust!!! I pray for which ever child the Lord has for us!.. I will give it to Him and He will work out all the details.... I trust! I trust!

they love homemade...

yesterday we went to hobby lobby on a mission to get "ruffly" fabric!!!  I LOVE making little things for my girls~ they LOVE it too~

some days I wish that I could sit for hours at the sewing machine or have a glue gun in my hand BUT that is not reality..................

soooooo we got the fabric.. and I am making them skirts for Sunday... we usually don't do "new" dresses for Easter BUT I know my girls and ANYTIME I make them something they LOVE it!...

soooo they are getting new skirts (oh and making one for myself too!)...

not putting a picture out quite yet BUT they are adorable... yes,  the girls and the skirts!!!



~~~~UPDATE~~~~~~~~~

counting the "cost"

this morning ... EARLY morning... so many things on my heart... But God had me praying for various things.... missions, surgeries, expanding families, Neglected no more race, soul bags, and the list goes on.......
as I was praying I started remembering "the cost"  to some they may say What is that??  to some they may say yeah I have heard that.... BUT what does that really mean.. I like to be reminded of the scriptures (well sometimes they hurt)... like everything else I like to get all from the scriptures so I started looking it up...

 

 

Luke 14:26-33²⁶ “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. ²⁷ And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. ²⁸ For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it— ²⁹ lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, ³⁰ saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’? ³¹ Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? ³² Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. ³³ So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.

 

then I looked up the meaning in the dictionary...

An amount paid or required in payment for a purchase; a price.

The expenditure of something, such as time or labor, necessary for the attainment of a goal

To cause to lose, suffer, or sacrifice

Regardless of the expense or effort involved

 
so what is all this... laying down MY life so that I can be His disciple... I started thinking what might this mean to the prayers that God had me praying about this morning... realizing that in our walk with God that there is a cost... what may they look like in each situation I have no idea .... missionaries.... it may cost them a child or spouse
surgeries.... it may cost them a loved one
and I could list them all one by one.....
and then I go to the cost we pay following Him... I can already say that we have many and I know that there will be more..
then he goes on to say... whoever does not forsake ALL cannot be my disciple....
so that means some... No.... a little.... No..... All..... YES!!! 
when we repent and believe there is a cost... forsaking it ALL in order to be His disciple...

 

so then my heart went to Sin.... how ugly it is!... of course the Lord reminded me of my own!.. I mourn... I hate it..... I don't want to do it...... then my heart became burdened for the sin of this world... I hate it!.. I mourn!... I remember what He went through on that cross and the pain he endured and my heart breaks.. knowing that my sin kept Him there!....

we really don't grasp the cross...

oh the truths of the scriptures.... they hurt BUT they also heal!... I am thankful for His word, even since it is a mirror for me! to look at my life and see where my life is not a reflection of Him...
thankful for Grace....

we really don't grasp that either....


so as I go through the day... I must count the cost to follow Him...

Luke 9:23
Then he said to them all: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.