today...

looking at the time it is 7:11 and God has been pressing on my heart to sit and write.. oh my! I have a million things to do to get ready this morning... we have court with J ... I always get this bump in my stomach as we head toward Lagrange. you park on this tiny street and walk into this cold building where you are met by a big man with a gun.. I just chuckle at that .. a big man with a gun!! He immediately greets you with what case are you here with... you almost feel like a criminal. you tell him and you walk through that metal detector.. better not have a belt on or you will BEEP.. BEEP.. head up the stairs into a holding room where you hear lots of chatter. you wait and wait till your case is called and you walk into a court room.. it is DEAD silence... you sit back and pray. I mean this child's life is hinging in the hands of a sinner just like you and I.. it is hard because I just want to stand straight up and say everything I know about the case and plead on behalf of these babies.. this is not fair... dfacs has been involved since birth.. BUT GOD He reminds me to be still.. He reminds me of His sovereignty... before the foundation of the world He knew we would be sitting there at that time and I embrace HIM.. not the words of the judge BUT HIM.. He is the peace in the storm, He is the hope for the hopeless, He is the creator, sustainer, and the very breath of life!.. then peace.... His peace.. amen!

oops... it has happened AGAIN!!!

this blog... I'm so sorry you have been neglected yet AGAIN!!!!! thoughts come through this brain (really you don't want to know how many thoughts come through this brain on a daily basis.. can I just say 6 kiddos, home school and being a wife) so many its hard to keep up!!!! I have thought about you but the daily callings in my life call much louder than you! I want all my thoughts, heart aches, mountain top experiences, and happenings of day to day on her so I can look back and say GOD YOU ARE SO GOOD... even in the heartaches... we have had Thanksgiving,Christmas, 2 foster children that came and left, one of our fosters left and now he is back, M's birthday, new years, CC days, 1/2 marathons, gym meets... and the list goes on!!!.. I love you blog... you remind me of my shortcomings , my joys, my sadness... so all this to say is I will try not to neglect you ANYMORE!!!... 

catch-up.. kinda

I am finally catching up on my blog..kinda!.. life has been a little lonely with 'J" leaving.. I miss him, I miss the smell of a newborn, snuggles, and so many other things.. BUT I am also enjoying having a little break. We have for a little over 2 years had 23 foster children.. I am gonna enjoy having only one and ENJOYING my own children too! Fostering is tough and to be honest it is a LONELY road.. only other foster parents can REALLY understand how fostering a child is not like the ones you birthed.. so as I go journey through life it is lonely.. things are not always so cutsie when "M" is doing things and you know some of those things stems back to his brokenness..


As I pray and seek the Lords will I am also pleading with Him to know my heart... you see I never thought this journey would lead my heart for adoption but it is now longing for it.. not sure if it is I am EXHAUSTED with DFACS.. the visits, the caseworkers, the transporters, the complaints from the moms, the not so truthful things said, and the list goes on.... or if He has pricked my heart for something different..

I am longing to see what God will do.

wanna know something.........

this post.. its a hard one... I always say this is my journal of where my feelings are at a particular time.. so here it goes! Tired.. yep I said it.. we are so.very.tired.. we fall into the bed every night and pray that little man sleeps all night.. Doug has been training a new guy so he has been at our house by 4am every.single.day.. Doug is up by 3-3:45 every morning. I on the other hand get up anywhere between 4:30 and 5:30.. I have to have my quiet time and COFFEE before my day starts... we got a new foster baby 'P' and oh she is precious all 11 months precious... BUT she is in a transition period (many things) and its hard on her  but she will do fine... I have no doubts she will thrive and do so well here. I lean on the Lord for His strength and grace as we tread new waters of a 13 week old, 11 month old, and 19 month.. plus our 4.. BUT Jesus has been so good to me and helps me every.single.second... seriously I do not know how people go through life without Jesus... also we are in FULL blown school! oh.my!!! lots of tears, frustration, love, excitement all bundled up in a package... running.. I love that I am back to my running routine.. thankful that the Lord gave me a running partner who also understands tired soooo if we get tired we walk :) ...  and something that soooo man people say to be and have said over the past years since our fostering journey... you are super mom.. just for the record I am weak BUT He is strong, I am undone BUT He is not, I am not worthy to come before Him, BUT Jesus is my advocate, I am a sinner, BUT He makes me right with Him, I am tired BUT He is never weary,  I am me and He is Jesus.. I am not super mom , I am a momma who seek and runs after Jesus every second, every minute, everyday.. I always want to point all these things to Jesus.. I am so thankful He chose me.. now may I be obedient to share Him always with whomever I see!

BLOG # 202

I looked at how many entries I had written the other day.. 202! seems like a lot then I think about all the life events, tears, cheers, burdens, love, birthdays, sanctification, countries.. that happened in these short 202 blogs.. when I started my blog back in 2010 I wanted to have somewhat of a "scrapbook" of our family.. Who knew that it would become my thoughts ?? It is a great reminder that we have our ways BUT the Lord determines our steps.. I have been thankful to look back and see what we have done, said, loved, and been.. I am thankful for blogging.. now just to get this thing printed off!!! LOL!!!

A night Full of... Him!

Tonight as I sat and drank my Decaf coffee ... disclaimer*** I did NOT want to be up all night!!!.. just for the record.. Who drinks decaf anyway?? ... 

I looked around the upstairs of Safehouse coffee.. I listened to the laughs, stories, struggles, seeing tears, smiles from ear to ear, purple toes... my heart was full.. it was beautiful to see the ladies that the Lord brought together from different backgrounds, different cities, different cultures, different struggles, different everything.... 

But ALL had the same heart.. they all love the Lord and it just pours out of them! I am so thankful for  this journey of homeschool and community that CC has brought to me! May this school year be All about Him and All for His glory!

Been a while... hear where my heart is ....

in the foster world you NEVER know when the next call will come in.. you never know what your "numbers" will be... well the day after coming home from the beach we got a call.. not just any call but a straight from the hospital call... yep a 3 day old... oh, my!!! He is a doll baby!!! We still have "M" 19 months old.. and of course the big ones!!!... we have had lots of fun going back the the cuddly stage of newborns.. eating, sleeping, pooping!!!... oh and some lost sleep.. we , I think, are finally in a somewhat of a schedule.. last bottle at 10:15ish and then sleeping till 4:30.. we have done pool parties, tennis lessons, stone Mountain laser show, 2 night camping trip, dog sitting, and I know more but when I have a brain toot I always say " I have a newborn, you know?" HE HE!!!! We are good.. Ill be honest my heart more and more is wanting an adoption situation.. you see we have had 18 foster children and the have all went home... we did not go into this for adoption but my heart seems to be longing for that.. just being honest .. I'm not sure all the kiddos that went back had a great situation.. I think that is why my heart is aching for one that can stay.. one that I know will have every need met, every single second, every single day... this fostering journey is not for the faint of heart! there is pain, longing to care for broken ones (because we are all undone, broken and needy... and we need Jesus!) the two we have now my heart aches thinking about them leaving... BUT again I always go back to God is in control, God knows what is best, and also God knows my heart... I want to trust, I want to believe all these things.. and I don't always understand what He is doing but I will rest in Him, rest in His timing, and rest if He says "no" to any adoption situation... 

I could not help but think of these verses
Isaiah 55:8
8"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD.
9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.…