enjoying our children exactly where they are.....

It is soooo true that time flies, life is a vapor, you blink and these children that you once nursed, lost sleep, cuddled so tightly, cleaned poopy diapers, and heard temper tantrums .... they are now growing up.. maturing! I am enjoying having my "older children" yes it has brought so many changes, hard lessons, and lots of prayers.

When we went camping we took our older ones 
(the foster baby stayed with someone else) it was so nice to have everyone self sufficient... they could go ride their scooters, go to bath house, go ahead of us to the beach, and fix them selves snacks! I enjoyed that! I needed that rest!

I am enjoying them growing up.. I want to cry ball my eyes out thinking about them leaving home BUT there is still time for me to love on them and listen to them before that time comes! I love the fact that they are enjoying being older too!

Thank you Lord that you allow me to love YOUR children, to raise them, to guide and direct them by your word... you are so good to us as their parents that you allow us to pour into them!

Coffee... you are so good to me :)

seriously... I wonder if I REALLY do have an issue with my love for coffee?? mmmm.. what do you think?? well don't answer that question!!! I have to admit that the Lord has revealed through MANY people that my love for coffee is real, it is true, it is a crazy love for sure. so the question is .. Could I go without coffee? I think yes.. BUT I just don't want to (imagine a 2 year old throwing himself on the floor screaming) yep,  it is real folks.. I love it.. even as I was writing this blog my friend Gina posted on my timeline a picture of a chicken that says " I could get through the day without coffee BUT you don't want me too" OH how this is SOOOO true!!!.. so I love coffee! that's it!! now we may go back to our day :)

seriously, a peace you want!

yep.. tomorrow is the day... We go to court with 3 of our foster kiddos. such a mix of emotions that really only other foster parents understand! I can try to explain the feelings over and over but a clear picture would never be seen.. its like a humbo jumbo all in one! 

I think of the what ifs... the "mad" part of me , the letting go, the list goes on..The struggle is real with the thoughts of letting go but I have to remember that God loves the children more than I do!  BUT I have peace... not from the outcome but the peace of the Lord! He is my peace.. I will not be tossed back and forth!

I want to think I am the best parent.. but that is pride! so in the end as we hear the ruling I will walk away knowing I am better because of these children and they will always be etched in our hearts! 

I trust the Lord and I know His ways are higher than mine and He gives peace in the midst of the storm.. I remember that He also is the final judge so that is why I pour Jesus in all our children! Thanking the Lord for the overwhelming peace ONLY He can give!

shout outs!

Andrew every so often comes in our bed in the early morning hours.. EVERY time it is because he has had a dream.. sometimes good , sometimes bad.. he just snuggles and snuggles! I know the time with our children gooooooes sooooooo fast I almost reverse parent him.. not expecting less but just different.. I was about to start this blog and he is sleeping in the bed right behind me and I just heard him say..... "stop tooting on the couch" ... "do you know where my red superman cape is? ...  He screams things out so often when he is asleep.. sometimes his dreams are just so scary for a 4 year old.. we always say at night "Andrew, you have good dreams tonight!!!"  I do love the times he comes in our room! I know he will remember the warmth of being between his mommy and daddy even when he is older!

You are I AM and you wreck me...

sometimes ALL the time God wants us to repent (turn from our sin) and receive that forgiveness through His son Jesus... I was/am guilty.. yes.. GUILTY of pride.. you see Pride is the root of all sin!

Proverbs 16:5 Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord; be assured, he will not go unpunished. 

we love ourselves and we think in comparison to others we are "good" when in all honesty we are NOT!

Romans 3:10as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one;

you see that is not taught in most churches now days.. sin is not brought up.. Now a days the church service, events and most everything we come in contact with seems to tell us it is all about us!... the Word has been diluted, trampled, and down right ignored these days.. it seems as though when we are in our sin no one wants to approach you because that would be "judging".....

Gal. 6:1 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 

I have been doing a bible study on Tuesday mornings and it has rocked no wrecked my heart... Are we making our own God of the Bible or are we digging into the scriptures to see God for who He TRULY is?? Do I go through the day and have little or no regard for Him? When we are in the midst of trials, temptations, everyday life .. do we consider what God thinks or says about it? I remember hearing a story one time about a lady who was asked if she wanted a sofa and she responded "Ill pray about it." it is a sofa for crying our loud BUT what a great picture of how God wants to communicate.. to most it seemed like something silly to pray about BUT He is concerned with His children.. He hears our prayers, He loves that we come to Him even in the "small" stuff... I am thankful for this study.. it makes me come to the fact that I fall short BUT in His grace and mercy I am redeemed.. and I am not to take God lightly.. He is worthy, Holy, and to be the up most respected! I am thankful that our pastor holds the word in such high regard...

Lord I thank you for wrecking me ... may you continue.. 

This song came on in the car earlier... it has such RICH truths about God..
YOU ARE I AM by Mercy Me
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JI4CPfuLW0

this song takes me back to the day the Lord called me to go to China... This song speaks so much to me.. I sit and listen over and over and I miss China.. I miss the people, I miss the oppression because they have no hope and I have the answer of Jesus for them!!, why go to China?? They need to hear the hope that is within me and any other believer. I know the oppression in our own cities here and I share.. LOTS... but it can seem overwhelming all the time.. with all the recent events that have happened in the news.. will we talk? complain? or will we DO something? I don't want to be a sideline christian! The need is great , the need is real, and we are never promised tomorrow! who wants to come along side us??

A little letter to our sweet J and J

UGH  words that just make you "pause"  as they are saying those words... they are leaving... then followed up with .....well now its up to the judge BUT in the deepest part of you...   you say to yourself.. prepare!

yep we are now in prepping mode... I mean REALLY how do you prepare for a departure of someone who you have bonded with, cuddled, clean and are still cleaning poopy bottoms, one who has thrown up on you, one who you gave joy to, sang "Bless the Lord oh my soul" to, taught how to walk, seen their first smile, countless doctors appts, fighting the system just to get a bill paid, advocating, feeding, taking on camping trips, soccer field, seen a neglected child blossom into a flower, countless times buckling into the car, being the mom that pushed to make you the best God wanted you to be, and the list goes on!!

almost a year.. little J was 8 months when we got her we saw the first of most things they do as a baby... now 19 months and feisty but oh the most LOVING mommas girl ever!!! and big J.. how you have changed... yes you came to us oh so sad... you could barely walk and we worried and advocated for you from day one.. there were and are still time that our opinion just doesn't matter in your long term care... I know in the depth of who I am that I did all I could to speak when you could not! I am so proud of the precious little lady you have become..  You two will always have a special place in this mommas heart! we love you both!

I write this as I have BIG tears rolling down my face... This journey is hard BUT I also believe in the sovereignty of God and I rest in that... we had them almost a year and I am thankful for the time we did have.. The Lord knew before the foundation of the world that a this time these girls would be with us and when they would leave.. I trust.. although it is still sad I trust God and His plans!

The blogs that are HARD!

seriously a friend said to me the other day that when your children are younger your blogs seem to be easier to write.. and OH,  DO I FIND THAT TRUE!!!! I have thought so many times that I had a blog on my tongue about the older kiddos to then... GO BLANK.... these years are hard.. no one REALLY wants to put into words some of the things that come with parenting pre-teens and teens.... It is hard.. like really hard.

I realize that 13 is tough.. hormones like crazy and sometimes cold hearts make for interesting school time and friends... I remember being there... it was tough... 13 is a year of testing boundaries and seeing how much freedom you can have... and add fostering to that... yep.. I'm real and times here have been quite hard ...BUT I know that God is doing a great work in these times in her and myself.. can I get a witness on any of this???

11 ALMOST 12....Boy... that is all I have to say... hormones.. yep... it happens and its real people.. I am sooo very thankful that Caleb about a month ago realized the magnitude of his sin against God.. not only outward sin but you know that sin the is deep.. like soooo deep?? GREAT conversations about taking that to the Lord, protecting your eyes and heart.. I am so grateful for these conversations!

9..... well its LANE that is 9... she is her own person and wants to wear makeup, shave her legs, straighten her hair and be ALL about fashion.. hang on baby.... use all that fire for God and His glory... You are a precious one... BUT 9 is hard.. she wants to be JUST LIKE THE BIG ones.. she is upset that she can't go on the mission trip with Bro David and Angela.. hang in there.. your time will come..

so as I blog about our older ones.. I am embracing these new challenges.. although they are tough... I welcome what God is doing... He is still on the throne and He will do a great work in all our hearts!

When life seems hard.... there is Gods word for EVERYTHING... we dont need any other source outside His word... so I hang on this!

James 1:2-4
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.