puzzle pieces... fitting together!

Who knows how many hours/days/weeks this blog will take me!... we have in our home right now a 5.5 month old, 7 month old, 22 month old, 2,3.5, 8,11,12... yes, my friends, that is eight kiddos.. nap time at the Lawrence's  right now... whooooo will wake up???  .... Ill keep going... we feel as though a portion of the puzzle is coming together as we are living this fast paced life right now!.. Our lives and family became bigger 11 weeks ago when we got L and C ... oh.my.goodness.... they have come leaps and bounds!!! Every single time we had to go anywhere as a family it was SOOOO tight... 3 car seats and 2 kiddos the size of adults... it was TIME... we have talked and talked and prayed for the Lord to show us the right thing.. we want to be good stewards of HIS money... so fast forward to this past weekend.. well, really lets go back 2 weeks ago... a friend was moving and had a toddler bed that she wanted to get rid of and I told her if NO one else wanted it we would take it... so we did.. set it up and L has been sleeping in it for more than a week.. so an open crib... hhhmmmmm... we had thought of putting C in it BUT mommas heart was not ready!...WHO would be in the crib upstairs?? OK.. back to the car... a BIGGER vehicle... OK our expedition held 8.. what is bigger than that?... well lets go 12.. so we did!!! we brought one home to drive this past weekend... we loved it BUT the car payment was something that we have not had in years!!! do we, don't we, do, don't???? we were seeking the Lord... we felt as if he was saying yes... but car payment?? we looked at numbers and we definitely could afford it but ugh!!! car payment... well on Monday morning we went about our business... had a great day! I even got to close my eyes during nap time... Not.like.me  but the Lord was preparing... at 5 we got a call... for 2 precious girls.. we knew them and we said YES.. that is a whole other blog... when you say YES.. God will do mighty things!!! we definitely feel like God was confirming our decision.. may this Van, Us, and the "church" (BTW.. that is YOU) bring glory and honor to God! He is worthy, He is due all the GLORY!!! He is putting puzzle pieces together as we speak... We are letting Him write our story!!!

PS.. wow I finished with NO interruptions :)

Growing up......

the past few days as I have reflected I was remided how much the "little" stage of our kiddos seems like a blink.. and of course it was! when I say little I mean infant... for all you mommas with "little" ones it too shall pass and you will look back and realize you too did blink!...

 I am only a school year away from our oldest being in HIGHSCHOOL!!!... I mean next year I will have... 2 middle schoolers... of course I will find a new normal in rearing our "older" ones.. Its different physically.. well none physical, mentally... yes... hormones going crazy, physical changes, etc.... well lets just say there are times when I say I would love to have them "little" agian but then God nudges and says ...... love them right where they are.. be content with all the things that come with growing children.. so I will!

I can't help but think of "C" and all the stages that her mom is missing.. I am trying to document everything so one day "C" will have a journal of her journey. Even "L" I am documenting what could have been her first trip to the library, soccer field, and drum roll.... she is going to the beach with us... these are moments that will forever be etched in my memory as like our own kiddos...

so all my new mommy friends... don't wish for the next step... LOVE those babies right where they are... embrace each moment, give too many hugs and kisses, and most of all document so when they look back they will see where God has brought them!

my mind went there!!!! ugh!!!

The most common words I hear when I say that we are foster parents is..

 "I could never do that because I could never give them back, I get too attached" and Yes that is a very true statement for everyone including me! we do get attached!!!

I think of the 9 children that have been in and out of our home and each one leaves a mark..

a mark of deep sadness of their situations,
a deep wound of something they did to our own children,
a deep hurt because they did not ask to be born in these situations...

Yesterday I let my mind go there..... maybe TMI but Lane had to go to the bathroom during the service yesterday and I went with her... I decided that I would go while I was in there too and it happened... I was sitting on the toilet and BAM... it hit like a ton of bricks... like when you almost cant breathe... saddened about the day these girls may leave! you see I want to publicly tell the details of their situation but, for their privacy I wont BUT the heartbreak is too much to bear! I allowed my mind to go their for a second...

THEN.......

 .....peace..... peace in the Sovereignty of God! you see, He is in control... I am not!
.....peace.....peace that He knows what is best for the girls
.....peace.....peace that God will use these girls to bring Himself glory
.....peace.....peace that no matter what He has my good in mind

So when I was washing my hands I was thanking Him for His unwavering goodness that we have the PRIVILEGE to have these girls in our home for as long as he allows and we will take each moment and bring Him all the glory!

so this is why we do it..... God has a plan and I don't want to look at my own inward hurts because in the end.... we will not wait on the sidelines wondering if we will get hurt .... we serve and bring Him glory and my friends HE IS WORTH IT!!!!

Nesting... Anticipating....

I remember the days well when I was pregnant.. yep, 4 times, I remember getting to the last weeks and doing crazy things.. painting, cleaning like a fool, and fantasizing about what the next Lawrence would look like... Nesting... anticipating..... excited....

well... no. I .am.not.pregnant. BUT my heart is nesting.

We are in "in between" foster kiddos...
Having within 2 weeks 5 of them in and out of your home all 2 and under my heart is ready...

Caleb's heart is ready, you see, he pretty much was mad, upset, scared, and rebelling against foster children... He saw how our first set of boys hurt others, very loud, disrespectful, and etc.... He was done... BUT oh, how the Lord can change a heart!!!! and He did!

God used 5 precious faces to give Caleb the "eyes of Jesus" again... The 5 kiddos loved him, clung to him (one had an 11 year old brother, whom she missed) and it was beautiful to see God transform Caleb's heart right in front of me!!!

 He is ready... we are ready.... But God we will wait... until your timing!

Baby Lane is EIGHT????

I remember it like it was yesterday all our friends called Lane "baby Lane" she was ohhhhhh soooooo cute with curly brown hair, big lips (people pay alot of money for some like these) and CUTE clothes that were soooo girlie!!! .... I love these days of thinking she is "the baby" BUT God quickly shows us how quick they grow up and become young ladies... I DO NOT like my kiddos growing up ... BUT HEY... It is gonna happen... I will embrace each age that comes! ... This sweet girl loves to have fun, giggle, play soccer, burp (yes, I said burp) loves to pick up animals off the side of the road, pester her sister, wrestle with her brother, and give me lots of cuddles!!! I am pushed to my limit everyday with her... she has lots of drive and I am praying God will use that in a BIG way as she grows up!!! I am thankful to call her daughter!! I LOVE her free spirit... she has always had it and always will!!! here is eight Lane!!! you are growing and I love you!!!

Color....

As we sat around the kitchen table last night with 4 Caucasian children and 3 African American children my heart was BLESSED...

color was not the focus....it was bonding with one another
color was not an issue....sadness that these children who had been taken from their original home was
color was not the main topic..... because these sweet precious faces made us smile
color did not separate us..... it brought us together ... as one!

When all those BIG brown eyes looked at me.... I see a beautiful souls that God created and I am blessed!

The Lord gave us the opportunity to love on babies while other foster families have a few days break!

What a blessing to know that color is not something we think about because we know all men were created in His image...

May each one of these children KNOW and LOVE Jesus!!! May they have felt His love here...

What a journey we are on ......

It makes me joyful to know our kiddos and ourselves see no color! Its only LOVE <3

Home is hard to leave....

the time has come... our older kiddos are not wanting to go spend days and days with my in laws in Florida... they are becoming home bodies!!! I am so thankful that they want to be here! They want to be with us, they love their own beds, they want to be with each other, the thought of being 6 hours away make them sad, the long drive heading south does not sound fun anymore, the lake that they once LOVED to play in is no longer exciting......

They are growing up (when I say they I am speaking of Alexis and Caleb) ...

Alexis told us the other day that she and Caleb were like twins (they are 18 1/2 months apart) they LOVE each other, they have a special bond, they NEVER fight, they giggle at the same things, think alike at times, and always are the best cheerleader for one another, they push each other to make them better, and I am thankful that they have this sweet relationship... It has always been like this from day one... Alexis has held, loves, cuddled, dropped (yes, when he was 2 months old she got him out of the swing because he was crying and I heard it... But he needed you mommy!!) bossed, cheered, prayed for, lost sleep (yes.. she spent the night when he was in the hospital with an asthma attack) read labels for his diet, and just been there for him..... Its  a special bond for sure!!!

When they were asked to go to Granny and Grandpas for a 5 day stay.... Caleb with out hesitation says NOPE... I am not going to be away that long and Lane was like YES!!!! I am going, Andrew was YES!!! I am going and here is Alexis so torn.... she is a pleaser and DOES not like to disappoint!! she always has others feelings in mind... "Granny will be sad" she says... and for DAYS she wrestled with this decision.... tears and all... and finally she just said I can't go!!!  I will miss y'all and I don't want to be 6 hours away... BABY it is OK!!! you can stay at home till you get married!!! My heart was full!!! They love us, our home,  our family! I am grateful!!

Lane and Andrew will go and they will have so much fun!!! because like the older ones... there will come a day when they will not want to go to...