my mind went there!!!! ugh!!!

The most common words I hear when I say that we are foster parents is..

 "I could never do that because I could never give them back, I get too attached" and Yes that is a very true statement for everyone including me! we do get attached!!!

I think of the 9 children that have been in and out of our home and each one leaves a mark..

a mark of deep sadness of their situations,
a deep wound of something they did to our own children,
a deep hurt because they did not ask to be born in these situations...

Yesterday I let my mind go there..... maybe TMI but Lane had to go to the bathroom during the service yesterday and I went with her... I decided that I would go while I was in there too and it happened... I was sitting on the toilet and BAM... it hit like a ton of bricks... like when you almost cant breathe... saddened about the day these girls may leave! you see I want to publicly tell the details of their situation but, for their privacy I wont BUT the heartbreak is too much to bear! I allowed my mind to go their for a second...

THEN.......

 .....peace..... peace in the Sovereignty of God! you see, He is in control... I am not!
.....peace.....peace that He knows what is best for the girls
.....peace.....peace that God will use these girls to bring Himself glory
.....peace.....peace that no matter what He has my good in mind

So when I was washing my hands I was thanking Him for His unwavering goodness that we have the PRIVILEGE to have these girls in our home for as long as he allows and we will take each moment and bring Him all the glory!

so this is why we do it..... God has a plan and I don't want to look at my own inward hurts because in the end.... we will not wait on the sidelines wondering if we will get hurt .... we serve and bring Him glory and my friends HE IS WORTH IT!!!!

Nesting... Anticipating....

I remember the days well when I was pregnant.. yep, 4 times, I remember getting to the last weeks and doing crazy things.. painting, cleaning like a fool, and fantasizing about what the next Lawrence would look like... Nesting... anticipating..... excited....

well... no. I .am.not.pregnant. BUT my heart is nesting.

We are in "in between" foster kiddos...
Having within 2 weeks 5 of them in and out of your home all 2 and under my heart is ready...

Caleb's heart is ready, you see, he pretty much was mad, upset, scared, and rebelling against foster children... He saw how our first set of boys hurt others, very loud, disrespectful, and etc.... He was done... BUT oh, how the Lord can change a heart!!!! and He did!

God used 5 precious faces to give Caleb the "eyes of Jesus" again... The 5 kiddos loved him, clung to him (one had an 11 year old brother, whom she missed) and it was beautiful to see God transform Caleb's heart right in front of me!!!

 He is ready... we are ready.... But God we will wait... until your timing!

Baby Lane is EIGHT????

I remember it like it was yesterday all our friends called Lane "baby Lane" she was ohhhhhh soooooo cute with curly brown hair, big lips (people pay alot of money for some like these) and CUTE clothes that were soooo girlie!!! .... I love these days of thinking she is "the baby" BUT God quickly shows us how quick they grow up and become young ladies... I DO NOT like my kiddos growing up ... BUT HEY... It is gonna happen... I will embrace each age that comes! ... This sweet girl loves to have fun, giggle, play soccer, burp (yes, I said burp) loves to pick up animals off the side of the road, pester her sister, wrestle with her brother, and give me lots of cuddles!!! I am pushed to my limit everyday with her... she has lots of drive and I am praying God will use that in a BIG way as she grows up!!! I am thankful to call her daughter!! I LOVE her free spirit... she has always had it and always will!!! here is eight Lane!!! you are growing and I love you!!!

Color....

As we sat around the kitchen table last night with 4 Caucasian children and 3 African American children my heart was BLESSED...

color was not the focus....it was bonding with one another
color was not an issue....sadness that these children who had been taken from their original home was
color was not the main topic..... because these sweet precious faces made us smile
color did not separate us..... it brought us together ... as one!

When all those BIG brown eyes looked at me.... I see a beautiful souls that God created and I am blessed!

The Lord gave us the opportunity to love on babies while other foster families have a few days break!

What a blessing to know that color is not something we think about because we know all men were created in His image...

May each one of these children KNOW and LOVE Jesus!!! May they have felt His love here...

What a journey we are on ......

It makes me joyful to know our kiddos and ourselves see no color! Its only LOVE <3

Home is hard to leave....

the time has come... our older kiddos are not wanting to go spend days and days with my in laws in Florida... they are becoming home bodies!!! I am so thankful that they want to be here! They want to be with us, they love their own beds, they want to be with each other, the thought of being 6 hours away make them sad, the long drive heading south does not sound fun anymore, the lake that they once LOVED to play in is no longer exciting......

They are growing up (when I say they I am speaking of Alexis and Caleb) ...

Alexis told us the other day that she and Caleb were like twins (they are 18 1/2 months apart) they LOVE each other, they have a special bond, they NEVER fight, they giggle at the same things, think alike at times, and always are the best cheerleader for one another, they push each other to make them better, and I am thankful that they have this sweet relationship... It has always been like this from day one... Alexis has held, loves, cuddled, dropped (yes, when he was 2 months old she got him out of the swing because he was crying and I heard it... But he needed you mommy!!) bossed, cheered, prayed for, lost sleep (yes.. she spent the night when he was in the hospital with an asthma attack) read labels for his diet, and just been there for him..... Its  a special bond for sure!!!

When they were asked to go to Granny and Grandpas for a 5 day stay.... Caleb with out hesitation says NOPE... I am not going to be away that long and Lane was like YES!!!! I am going, Andrew was YES!!! I am going and here is Alexis so torn.... she is a pleaser and DOES not like to disappoint!! she always has others feelings in mind... "Granny will be sad" she says... and for DAYS she wrestled with this decision.... tears and all... and finally she just said I can't go!!!  I will miss y'all and I don't want to be 6 hours away... BABY it is OK!!! you can stay at home till you get married!!! My heart was full!!! They love us, our home,  our family! I am grateful!!

Lane and Andrew will go and they will have so much fun!!! because like the older ones... there will come a day when they will not want to go to...

cute sayings.... just recently!

Andrew: mommy did God make me so cute?
Me: yes, yes He did!
Andrew: did He make Miguel cute too?
Me: yes... ((( followed by a belly laugh)))


Lane and daddy were going to the store to get ibuprofen
Lane says confused... we need to get "I pro vie ocean"

2 weeks later .... Reflecting!

Its been a little over 2 weeks and here I sit at the computer after this "quiet" place the Lord has had me in!.. oh, how grateful I have been in a quiet place so I can hear Him.. His sweet voice reminding me who I am in Him, How much I am loved, How He provided me a beautiful family, How He sanctified me with the foster boys, How He is worth it, How life is consumed by Him, How I have been blessed by family and friends..... He is the great healer, deliver, sustainer, comforter, and the great I am!

I have reflected over the last 2 weeks and I am so thankful He put our family on this path of fostering. Now don't get me wrong my flesh reared its ugly head MANY times with the system, But God is bigger than the system. I have no doubt God called us to foster! I know that eternal impact is oh so worth the heart ache!...

I miss the boys! the past few  nights we have laughed so hard at a video that Alexis recorded of N... it was a 1 minute video that summed up his personality... our house is quiet... there are days (it sounds weird) that I would like the loudness... But they are gone, but praying the seeds that were scattered are not!...

I have had some catch up time... loving on my friends that I missed soooo much while the boys were here. I FINALLY used my Starbucks gift card that Whitney gave me , I had coffee with a sweet friend Jill, I was able to make dinner for another friend that had been battling sickness in her house, I have been able to talk to some high school friends that are looking into homeschooling, I have sat in the car at the soccer field and have an uninterrupted conversation with Faith, plan a surprise birthday for Michele, hang with my sister, have fun when momma was here, meeting Mindy at the park, taking time for a walk with Lori (5 miles baby!!!), and time with Joe and Lydia (couple that wanted us to walk through their 1st year of marriage, well they have been married for more than that but still meet with us!!! LOVING IT!)and the list could go on!!!!

But most of all I have loved being "our" family for a time! I have LOVED listening to the giggles, fighting, Wii dance, switching faces app, getting a new family member "Lucy", spend the nights, not having to rush out of CC, spending lazy Saturdays laying in bed with Doug, not being "stuck" on a schedule, and again the list could go on and on!!!

We know that time is short before we get the next call... so we stop, love, and thank God for all the many blessings!!!!