catch-up.. kinda

I am finally catching up on my blog..kinda!.. life has been a little lonely with 'J" leaving.. I miss him, I miss the smell of a newborn, snuggles, and so many other things.. BUT I am also enjoying having a little break. We have for a little over 2 years had 23 foster children.. I am gonna enjoy having only one and ENJOYING my own children too! Fostering is tough and to be honest it is a LONELY road.. only other foster parents can REALLY understand how fostering a child is not like the ones you birthed.. so as I go journey through life it is lonely.. things are not always so cutsie when "M" is doing things and you know some of those things stems back to his brokenness..


As I pray and seek the Lords will I am also pleading with Him to know my heart... you see I never thought this journey would lead my heart for adoption but it is now longing for it.. not sure if it is I am EXHAUSTED with DFACS.. the visits, the caseworkers, the transporters, the complaints from the moms, the not so truthful things said, and the list goes on.... or if He has pricked my heart for something different..

I am longing to see what God will do.

wanna know something.........

this post.. its a hard one... I always say this is my journal of where my feelings are at a particular time.. so here it goes! Tired.. yep I said it.. we are so.very.tired.. we fall into the bed every night and pray that little man sleeps all night.. Doug has been training a new guy so he has been at our house by 4am every.single.day.. Doug is up by 3-3:45 every morning. I on the other hand get up anywhere between 4:30 and 5:30.. I have to have my quiet time and COFFEE before my day starts... we got a new foster baby 'P' and oh she is precious all 11 months precious... BUT she is in a transition period (many things) and its hard on her  but she will do fine... I have no doubts she will thrive and do so well here. I lean on the Lord for His strength and grace as we tread new waters of a 13 week old, 11 month old, and 19 month.. plus our 4.. BUT Jesus has been so good to me and helps me every.single.second... seriously I do not know how people go through life without Jesus... also we are in FULL blown school! oh.my!!! lots of tears, frustration, love, excitement all bundled up in a package... running.. I love that I am back to my running routine.. thankful that the Lord gave me a running partner who also understands tired soooo if we get tired we walk :) ...  and something that soooo man people say to be and have said over the past years since our fostering journey... you are super mom.. just for the record I am weak BUT He is strong, I am undone BUT He is not, I am not worthy to come before Him, BUT Jesus is my advocate, I am a sinner, BUT He makes me right with Him, I am tired BUT He is never weary,  I am me and He is Jesus.. I am not super mom , I am a momma who seek and runs after Jesus every second, every minute, everyday.. I always want to point all these things to Jesus.. I am so thankful He chose me.. now may I be obedient to share Him always with whomever I see!

BLOG # 202

I looked at how many entries I had written the other day.. 202! seems like a lot then I think about all the life events, tears, cheers, burdens, love, birthdays, sanctification, countries.. that happened in these short 202 blogs.. when I started my blog back in 2010 I wanted to have somewhat of a "scrapbook" of our family.. Who knew that it would become my thoughts ?? It is a great reminder that we have our ways BUT the Lord determines our steps.. I have been thankful to look back and see what we have done, said, loved, and been.. I am thankful for blogging.. now just to get this thing printed off!!! LOL!!!

A night Full of... Him!

Tonight as I sat and drank my Decaf coffee ... disclaimer*** I did NOT want to be up all night!!!.. just for the record.. Who drinks decaf anyway?? ... 

I looked around the upstairs of Safehouse coffee.. I listened to the laughs, stories, struggles, seeing tears, smiles from ear to ear, purple toes... my heart was full.. it was beautiful to see the ladies that the Lord brought together from different backgrounds, different cities, different cultures, different struggles, different everything.... 

But ALL had the same heart.. they all love the Lord and it just pours out of them! I am so thankful for  this journey of homeschool and community that CC has brought to me! May this school year be All about Him and All for His glory!

Been a while... hear where my heart is ....

in the foster world you NEVER know when the next call will come in.. you never know what your "numbers" will be... well the day after coming home from the beach we got a call.. not just any call but a straight from the hospital call... yep a 3 day old... oh, my!!! He is a doll baby!!! We still have "M" 19 months old.. and of course the big ones!!!... we have had lots of fun going back the the cuddly stage of newborns.. eating, sleeping, pooping!!!... oh and some lost sleep.. we , I think, are finally in a somewhat of a schedule.. last bottle at 10:15ish and then sleeping till 4:30.. we have done pool parties, tennis lessons, stone Mountain laser show, 2 night camping trip, dog sitting, and I know more but when I have a brain toot I always say " I have a newborn, you know?" HE HE!!!! We are good.. Ill be honest my heart more and more is wanting an adoption situation.. you see we have had 18 foster children and the have all went home... we did not go into this for adoption but my heart seems to be longing for that.. just being honest .. I'm not sure all the kiddos that went back had a great situation.. I think that is why my heart is aching for one that can stay.. one that I know will have every need met, every single second, every single day... this fostering journey is not for the faint of heart! there is pain, longing to care for broken ones (because we are all undone, broken and needy... and we need Jesus!) the two we have now my heart aches thinking about them leaving... BUT again I always go back to God is in control, God knows what is best, and also God knows my heart... I want to trust, I want to believe all these things.. and I don't always understand what He is doing but I will rest in Him, rest in His timing, and rest if He says "no" to any adoption situation... 

I could not help but think of these verses
Isaiah 55:8
8"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD.
9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.…

enjoying our children exactly where they are.....

It is soooo true that time flies, life is a vapor, you blink and these children that you once nursed, lost sleep, cuddled so tightly, cleaned poopy diapers, and heard temper tantrums .... they are now growing up.. maturing! I am enjoying having my "older children" yes it has brought so many changes, hard lessons, and lots of prayers.

When we went camping we took our older ones 
(the foster baby stayed with someone else) it was so nice to have everyone self sufficient... they could go ride their scooters, go to bath house, go ahead of us to the beach, and fix them selves snacks! I enjoyed that! I needed that rest!

I am enjoying them growing up.. I want to cry ball my eyes out thinking about them leaving home BUT there is still time for me to love on them and listen to them before that time comes! I love the fact that they are enjoying being older too!

Thank you Lord that you allow me to love YOUR children, to raise them, to guide and direct them by your word... you are so good to us as their parents that you allow us to pour into them!

Coffee... you are so good to me :)

seriously... I wonder if I REALLY do have an issue with my love for coffee?? mmmm.. what do you think?? well don't answer that question!!! I have to admit that the Lord has revealed through MANY people that my love for coffee is real, it is true, it is a crazy love for sure. so the question is .. Could I go without coffee? I think yes.. BUT I just don't want to (imagine a 2 year old throwing himself on the floor screaming) yep,  it is real folks.. I love it.. even as I was writing this blog my friend Gina posted on my timeline a picture of a chicken that says " I could get through the day without coffee BUT you don't want me too" OH how this is SOOOO true!!!.. so I love coffee! that's it!! now we may go back to our day :)