shout outs!

Andrew every so often comes in our bed in the early morning hours.. EVERY time it is because he has had a dream.. sometimes good , sometimes bad.. he just snuggles and snuggles! I know the time with our children gooooooes sooooooo fast I almost reverse parent him.. not expecting less but just different.. I was about to start this blog and he is sleeping in the bed right behind me and I just heard him say..... "stop tooting on the couch" ... "do you know where my red superman cape is? ...  He screams things out so often when he is asleep.. sometimes his dreams are just so scary for a 4 year old.. we always say at night "Andrew, you have good dreams tonight!!!"  I do love the times he comes in our room! I know he will remember the warmth of being between his mommy and daddy even when he is older!

You are I AM and you wreck me...

sometimes ALL the time God wants us to repent (turn from our sin) and receive that forgiveness through His son Jesus... I was/am guilty.. yes.. GUILTY of pride.. you see Pride is the root of all sin!

Proverbs 16:5 Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord; be assured, he will not go unpunished. 

we love ourselves and we think in comparison to others we are "good" when in all honesty we are NOT!

Romans 3:10as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one;

you see that is not taught in most churches now days.. sin is not brought up.. Now a days the church service, events and most everything we come in contact with seems to tell us it is all about us!... the Word has been diluted, trampled, and down right ignored these days.. it seems as though when we are in our sin no one wants to approach you because that would be "judging".....

Gal. 6:1 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 

I have been doing a bible study on Tuesday mornings and it has rocked no wrecked my heart... Are we making our own God of the Bible or are we digging into the scriptures to see God for who He TRULY is?? Do I go through the day and have little or no regard for Him? When we are in the midst of trials, temptations, everyday life .. do we consider what God thinks or says about it? I remember hearing a story one time about a lady who was asked if she wanted a sofa and she responded "Ill pray about it." it is a sofa for crying our loud BUT what a great picture of how God wants to communicate.. to most it seemed like something silly to pray about BUT He is concerned with His children.. He hears our prayers, He loves that we come to Him even in the "small" stuff... I am thankful for this study.. it makes me come to the fact that I fall short BUT in His grace and mercy I am redeemed.. and I am not to take God lightly.. He is worthy, Holy, and to be the up most respected! I am thankful that our pastor holds the word in such high regard...

Lord I thank you for wrecking me ... may you continue.. 

This song came on in the car earlier... it has such RICH truths about God..
YOU ARE I AM by Mercy Me
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JI4CPfuLW0

this song takes me back to the day the Lord called me to go to China... This song speaks so much to me.. I sit and listen over and over and I miss China.. I miss the people, I miss the oppression because they have no hope and I have the answer of Jesus for them!!, why go to China?? They need to hear the hope that is within me and any other believer. I know the oppression in our own cities here and I share.. LOTS... but it can seem overwhelming all the time.. with all the recent events that have happened in the news.. will we talk? complain? or will we DO something? I don't want to be a sideline christian! The need is great , the need is real, and we are never promised tomorrow! who wants to come along side us??

A little letter to our sweet J and J

UGH  words that just make you "pause"  as they are saying those words... they are leaving... then followed up with .....well now its up to the judge BUT in the deepest part of you...   you say to yourself.. prepare!

yep we are now in prepping mode... I mean REALLY how do you prepare for a departure of someone who you have bonded with, cuddled, clean and are still cleaning poopy bottoms, one who has thrown up on you, one who you gave joy to, sang "Bless the Lord oh my soul" to, taught how to walk, seen their first smile, countless doctors appts, fighting the system just to get a bill paid, advocating, feeding, taking on camping trips, soccer field, seen a neglected child blossom into a flower, countless times buckling into the car, being the mom that pushed to make you the best God wanted you to be, and the list goes on!!

almost a year.. little J was 8 months when we got her we saw the first of most things they do as a baby... now 19 months and feisty but oh the most LOVING mommas girl ever!!! and big J.. how you have changed... yes you came to us oh so sad... you could barely walk and we worried and advocated for you from day one.. there were and are still time that our opinion just doesn't matter in your long term care... I know in the depth of who I am that I did all I could to speak when you could not! I am so proud of the precious little lady you have become..  You two will always have a special place in this mommas heart! we love you both!

I write this as I have BIG tears rolling down my face... This journey is hard BUT I also believe in the sovereignty of God and I rest in that... we had them almost a year and I am thankful for the time we did have.. The Lord knew before the foundation of the world that a this time these girls would be with us and when they would leave.. I trust.. although it is still sad I trust God and His plans!

The blogs that are HARD!

seriously a friend said to me the other day that when your children are younger your blogs seem to be easier to write.. and OH,  DO I FIND THAT TRUE!!!! I have thought so many times that I had a blog on my tongue about the older kiddos to then... GO BLANK.... these years are hard.. no one REALLY wants to put into words some of the things that come with parenting pre-teens and teens.... It is hard.. like really hard.

I realize that 13 is tough.. hormones like crazy and sometimes cold hearts make for interesting school time and friends... I remember being there... it was tough... 13 is a year of testing boundaries and seeing how much freedom you can have... and add fostering to that... yep.. I'm real and times here have been quite hard ...BUT I know that God is doing a great work in these times in her and myself.. can I get a witness on any of this???

11 ALMOST 12....Boy... that is all I have to say... hormones.. yep... it happens and its real people.. I am sooo very thankful that Caleb about a month ago realized the magnitude of his sin against God.. not only outward sin but you know that sin the is deep.. like soooo deep?? GREAT conversations about taking that to the Lord, protecting your eyes and heart.. I am so grateful for these conversations!

9..... well its LANE that is 9... she is her own person and wants to wear makeup, shave her legs, straighten her hair and be ALL about fashion.. hang on baby.... use all that fire for God and His glory... You are a precious one... BUT 9 is hard.. she wants to be JUST LIKE THE BIG ones.. she is upset that she can't go on the mission trip with Bro David and Angela.. hang in there.. your time will come..

so as I blog about our older ones.. I am embracing these new challenges.. although they are tough... I welcome what God is doing... He is still on the throne and He will do a great work in all our hearts!

When life seems hard.... there is Gods word for EVERYTHING... we dont need any other source outside His word... so I hang on this!

James 1:2-4
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

19 days....

19 days since my last post... it just seems like yesterday that I was typing this last blog.. y'all!!! I blinked time is passing so quickly! I have wondered in this time what have we been doing... well lets see??

stomach virus.... well 2 really... yuck! no fun.. do not pass go and do not collect $200.. 2 in 3.5 weeks seem a little extreme BUT hey your dealing with the Lawrences.. everyone including mom EXCEPT for little J this year has got the virus... can you say stomach of steal!!!!!!

soccer... yep! lots of it.. I LOVE watching the kiddos play.. Lane has found her sweet spot on the field but his momma is having a hard time with the goal.. yep goalie! she is doing great we..... except now... possible broke foot! we go tomorrow am to the ortho :(

Foster reform 101! The Lord has been working in my heart for a while on some changes.. am I the only one who wants to see some changes.. ummm.. NO! from staff, directors, foster parents we want to see change.. real change! I had several great meetings and I am in the process of typing letters to send and also meetings with senators and reps in our area.. THE KIDS come first.. its about them...

home stretch of school! ahhh.. I totally have spring fever.... STAY FOCUSED.. almost there! you can do it!

being thankful EVEN when its hard... teens, laundry, cooking, chauffeuring, being mommy Dr, patience.. and I could go on.. this time of sickness.. craziness.. I have sometimes fought for thankfulness.. just being honest... it has seemed lonely so many times. I have fought for Joy , peace.. and I go.. digging into the word for strength.. stepping out of this world and into Him! praying He would be the one to turn to. Asking for guidance and strength. My friend Jen G always reminded me of the scripture
Isaiah 40:11
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

I have leaned on this! I am thankful for this.. having 5 kiddos 4 and under.

so life is like a vapor.. yep so fast.. I don't want to miss a second of my children!

Behold your God.. for who He is!

for the first time in a few years we have a ladies bible study that meets at our church on Tuesday Mornings.. its a blessing and came at the exact timing!.. The older kiddos help in the nursery along with Bro. David.. OK... he has been peed on and tugged at for 5 weeks now :) I laugh because he is running the show.. well maybe Alexis really is..

This study is OH>SO>GOOD.... BUT also Yet sooooooooo convicting! I have been repenting in my own heart about how I have not elevated our Lord to the standard in which He holds himself... I must say it is not fluffy, feel good, about me... no you see its about Him... Its about who He is... about His salvation that He gives... do you see the key words here?? HE... not me... now a days it seems like everything must be about me... especially when it comes to church...
How can I be a better wife, husband, friend?
How to have better finances?
How to have the best life?
How to claim my prayer circles?
How to ........ fill in the blank......

God is HUGE, all powerful, all knowing, sovereign, Holy, perfect, just, creator, loving, sustainer..... WOW.. that should  make us all fall before our Lord in thankfulness, gratitude, awe!

then there is us.... and believe me we are NONE of these things.... nope.. we fall short....its called SIN (an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law) .....  this is why the gospel is sooooooooo beautiful.... we have fallen short and we can't even be in the presence of God in our state.... BUT God in His grace, love, mercy sent His son to die... a horrific death so that the blood of His own son could cleanse and make us whole..... so we may be in the presence of God... Holy, Blameless, Pure!!! amen...

This is the gospel.... this is not what our modern churches are teaching... they don't seem to say sin... its almost like a banned word...

My heart is heavy for the North American church........

I have to agree with AW Tozer when he says “The church in North America is 1000 miles wide but 1/2 inch deep" 

Are we ever gonna be out of the diaper stage???

going on 14 years .. yep.. the diaper stage.... many times I thought man.... I am sooooo done with diapers... then BOOM!!! you get another foster baby in diapers! A sweet friend sent me an article on an almost retired couple that adopted teenagers!.. yep... that Winnebago is on hold!! 

You see God doesn't call us to be comfortable... He calls us to lean on Him... He doesn't call us to this "easy" life... He calls us to lean on Him... He doesn't call us to retirement... He calls us to serve Him till we go on to be with Him....

I have thought many times that it would be sooooo much easier if I had all figured out... But God calls us to trust in Him... A part of me thinks life would be so much easier if I didn't have 3 kiddos in diapers... changing... all.the.time... but then I realize the selfishness in that and realize foster care children HAVE NO ONE else.. foster care is the last resort.. no family can even take them for the most part.... WHO would change those diapers??? who would love them????who would wipe the snotty noses?????... who would comfort them?? who would give them siblings and a DADDY (BTW most don't even know who their dad is!)???

sooooooo... I continue to change diapers.... our children continue to show them what a sibling is like.... family gatherings..... family movie night.....Dr appts.......manners....... but most of all LOVE from the Father!!!    we press on .......